Every Journey Begins With The First Step

Go to war again; blood is freedom’s stain, but don’t you pray for my soul anyhellomore…

It occurs to me that I should probably be writing about myself.  I’m told it’s therapeutic, and at the very least I need therapy.  I don’t particularly care if anybody reads this, but I do allow the possibility that it could happen.

So, we’ll get the preliminaries out of the way, here’s what you may need to know if you do happen across these ramblings:

  • I’ll be referring to myself as the ghost.  Hence, the witty title.  It’s how I see myself sometimes.  An apparition.  What you think you see is not quite what you actually see.  More on that in a bit.  I had to choose a different username though, because, not surprisingly, theghost was taken.
  • I was born, raised, and currently live on the eastern seaboard of the USA.  Whether I stay here or not in the near future is anybody’s guess at this point.
  • I used to be married.  We’re still very good friends.  That was never our problem.  Now, my having extreme difficulty expressing my emotions?  That’s a huge one.
  • I have a daughter, primary school aged.  She’s the light of my life, and the bane of my existence.  It’s like every negative aspect of my personality got distilled in to this overly adorable package of hyper-kinetic energy.  We’re working on that.
  • I am a creative person, with severe problems expressing the creativity.  I’ve done a lot of artistic stuff, save for drawing.  I can barely draw stick figures.
  • I am transgender.  Trans woman.  You’d never know it by looking at me.  The beard (literal) makes it a really tough guess.  I know what I am, and I guess I lucked out in the brain chemistry department, because for the most part, I’m fine with the status quo.  I’m not saying it doesn’t sometimes hurt.  But because it doesn’t hurt as much as some of my peers, not even close, I find it easier.  I’m basically a transgender woman passing as a man, which for some reason amuses me to no end to think about it in those terms.  Anyway, this is what I meant about what you see isn’t really what you get.  I’m sure I’ll talk about this more later, my thinking process (which sort of boils down to “I’m lazy and its sorta convenient to just keep playing like my software matches my hardware”) and those sorts of things.  Not to mention that I think a lot of gender stereotypes are ridiculously outmoded and largely based on societal expectations and not reality.
  • Because of the whole trans thing, even though I’m staying anonymous, if you do wish to speak to/of me, I’d appreciate it if you’d use feminine pronouns.  If you either can’t or won’t, I won’t really hold it against you, but it would just be nice.  If I feel you’re not doing it simply because you want to be a dick/bitch/gender neutral ass about it, don’t expect me to respond politely, though.
  • I’m sarcastic, cynical, misanthropic, agnostic, and a pessimist realist.  I’m a (George) Carlin-ite in almost every way, I worship the man for many reasons.  This quote of his (an actual one, not a false one) sums up exactly how I feel as well: “I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.”

I’ll put that stuff in an “about me” section as well, but I figured, introductions were very well in order.

Also, my plan with each entry is to lead it off with a song lyric that’s either directly related to my train of thought, or what I was listening to when the words for an entry coalesced in my brain.  Which is why this entry is proceeded by the passage from 2 Minutes To Midnight.  It was what I was listening to when I decided to do this.  I’m going to try and tie it in somehow with each entry, but if I forget, oh well. I’m also going to try and remember to tag the band I quote, in case you want to know what it came from.  You can always ask me, if you want.  I welcome questions, as long as you understand that my answers my not be exactly what you were looking for at times.

I think that should do it for the opening salvo.  Tomorrow’s another day for this ol’ girl to be The Man.  Did I mention I adore word play?  I adore word play.  Time to evaporate.

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About the ghost

Not quite what you think you see, in some ways more, in some ways less.
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One Response to Every Journey Begins With The First Step

  1. Dabrela H says:

    You say you’re a “creative person, with severe difficulties expressing the creativity”. I identify with that. There’s definitely a connection between creativity and the transgender state. Freud speculated when writing about Leonardo da Vinci that creative people possess greater cross-gender identification than others. Virginia Woolf wrote in ‘A Room of One’s Own’ that, to be an ideal writer, one ought to be “woman-manly or man-womanly… Some collaboration has to take place in the mind between the woman and the man before the art of creation can be accomplished. Some marriage of opposites has to be consummated.” (Nice blog, by the way – I’ll link to it on my own.)

    Liked by 1 person

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