Here I am, stuck in the middle with you…
I am gaining girlfriends at an almost alarming rate.
I have offers on the table to be given a manicure, to be taken to get my hair done for my birthday, and such. I’ve had “girl talk” conversations. And they keep coming, and from sources I didn’t expect.
It’s awesome, and since I’m starting to get to the stage where I’m scared of my decisions, having girlfriends is nice. And I’m super excited to have my hair done.
But I AM starting to feel scared. I’m deciding to do things that won’t escape notice. Coming out to my friends is one thing. Walking around strangers bucking gender by having painted nails, pierced ears and a femme haircut is another. I’ve never cared much what strangers thought of me, but I’m also not naive. It’s daunting.
These are unexpected consequences of my desire to not live as a woman, really, but to still embrace my true self. Not that it’d be any less daunting if I waited until I possibly starting transitioning, but I just didn’t think about some of this.