The Stigma of Crossdreaming

Me and you; god only knows it’s not what we would choose to do…

I’ve been having a very fascinating conversation lately with a very lovely girl.  I’ve been discussing with her my crossdreaming, and how it relates to and drew out my true self.  And, let me start by saying I don’t want to speak for everyone.  But I do have to wonder if a few things I have come to realize about myself don’t apply to my fellow crossdreamers, no matter what part of their self realization journey they happen to be on.Genesis-2-female-base

I’m getting to a point where I believe that, for the most part, crossdreamers are experiencing some form of non-binary gender identity.  That’s a pretty grand and grandiose statement, to be sure, but it’s how I feel about it at present.  The very notion suggests that the persons brain is capable of processing the non-binary, but the current brain paths aren’t sure how to process and parse that information.  For me, obviously, that identity was that I was a woman, and that the reason I love to see myself as a woman is merely a form of loving myself, and embracing that.  What I am trying to drive at, in essence, is actually pretty basic in a way: crossdreaming is something trying to express itself.

And it’s for this reason that its important, very important, that we spread information about crossdreaming as best we can.  As far as we can reach, with as much understanding as we can muster.  Otherwise, we’re purposefully (if not intentionally and spitefully depending on the source) forcing people to repress a powerful part of themselves, and keep many people in a dangerous psychological state of denial and self-ignorance.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I was absolutely petrified with shame about my cross dreaming.  It wasn’t just the exaggeration of my fantasies (a point I plan on discussing further in a future post about validation), it was mostly the idea itself.  Why did I feel this way?  What did it mean for me, and most germane to this particular discussion: what is wrong with me?  The answer is obviously: nothing.  But try telling that to younger me, and why?

We live in a ridiculously prudish culture.  We are so uptight about anything of a sexual nature, that any expression that seems even remotely deviant that enters ones brains can become a terrifying concept for one to have to deal with.  Now, you add on added social stigma of something like crossdreaming as it relates to gender identity, etc, and you’ve opened another bigger can of worms.

Then you add in a third layer.  You happen to use the anonymity of the internet and lo and behold, you discover this is a “thing” and you’re not alone.  But what’s this?  There’s still a fight against being marginalized as fetishism?  And not from the avenues you thought they’d come from alone, but from within the LGBT community itself?  Well, now what?  Who the hell will accept me?  How can I explore this, find out who I am, become who I am, embrace and love myself for who I am?  I plowed through it myself, but I’m just one one woman.  What about the rest, the lost and all alone?

Admitting to crossdreaming can be akin to putting a big target on yourself.  And we need to change that.

Maybe it’ll take a crappy fanfic turned phenomenon set of books to bring this to the public?  (I kid, if someone wants to write about cross dreaming, I would hope it’s better than the writing of 50 Shades).   I really don’t have a solution to the problem of “more awareness and understanding.”  I just know we need it.  Because I know there are way too many out the struggling with this, desperately searching for an outlet, and we’re denying them that, either by design or by inactivity.


About the ghost

Not quite what you think you see, in some ways more, in some ways less.
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4 Responses to The Stigma of Crossdreaming

  1. I was often a boy in my dreams, as long as I can remember. It felt significant at the time, but I was never sure what it meant. It’s only now, in retrospect, that I can attach any meaning to it. It’s odd how our minds will try to tell us something for so long, but we can stay so blind to it. Granted, probably not everyone who has a dream where they are the opposite sex does have genderqueer/trans tendencies, it may be a strong predictor. Interesting read!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. the ghost says:

    Keep in mind that the “dream” part of crossdream isn’t literal. Think of it more in the fantasy usage of the word. Not that it invalidates your point, I just felt based on your second to last sentence that you might have taken it like that. You may not have.


  3. Oh the whole ‘part time’ (my term for crossdressing) is, even though numerically the largest part of the transgender movment, still far too much ‘in the closet’.

    There are a host of reasons, including the very creation and defintion of what being ‘part time’ is. This is breaking down for the kids now as they explore and express themselves as ‘gender questionng’, ‘gender queer’, ‘bi gender’ and all the rest. In the future what we think of as being a ‘crosssdresser’ will go the way of the dodo.

    The history of this can be traced right back Victoria Prince (who remember went full time for 40 years of her life) who defined an ‘offical’ part timer in terms of the homophobia of the era. Those who did not fit that (gay, bisexual, wanting to transition, etc) were ruthlessly excluded. This created an artifical devide that stilll exists for many. Natuarally it was always assumed that showing femininity and/or transitioning meant you were gay… if….. Sexuality has zero to do with gender feelings, but that fear still hangs around for some people.

    The reaiity is the cross gender drives are a spectrum, from very strong to weak, also with huge variances in people’s abilities abilities to psychologically cope.

    I look at myself, long time crossdresser with strong gender feelings from a young age which I suppressed and hid. Then much later transitioned.
    Rewind the tape and change the circumstances a bit and I might have transitoned much earlier than I did…or never.

    I know a lot of part timers and I can pretty much pick the ones now that will eventually transition, but the majority will (in the end) find a compromise that suits them. The breaking down of gender barriers makes this much easier now, since there are far more options in expression.

    This is much harder for an older person, because of the era we grew up in, trans people role models did not exist, homophobia was rife, social acceptance zero, binary gender notions dominated, so we learned to hide, suppress and show male mannerisms in public. Add in shame, self loathing and all the rest.

    Ths still exists to an extent and stops people finding a happy part time compromise that is right for them, or (if they want) transitioning more fully.

    But in the end the difference between myself and a part timer is just one of degree, we are not different types at all.

    We are all transgender the difference is only in how we deal with it and express it.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Man, I Feel Like a Woman (Or: The Oddities of Validation Via Crossdreaming) | the ghosts journey

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