It’s the terror of knowing what this world is about; watching some good friends scream “let me out!” Tomorrow gets me higher, pressure on people – people on streets…
I’m not “girly.”
I’ll now pause for a very collective “deeeeeeeeeeeeer” from the masses.
Get that all out of your systems? Okay, let’s proceed. I bring this up because it’s pertinent in my mind. Of all the talk of gender spectrum, it’s still expected by some people I know that if/when I start presenting as a woman in public that I’m going to be trying to go full supermodel or something.
Femininity does not equal “girly.”
I identify female. I currently have biologically masculine traits. My personality is pretty much split right down the middle, with a strong disdain for labeling anything that isn’t directly biologically related as being for one gender or the other (basically, if the answer to the question “why is that for men/women” is “it just is” then I disregard it, personally). If/when I decide to present female, my personality won’t change.
This might actually be a boon for me, because the public in general may not misgender me, but think I’m just a really masculine or butch woman. Because when I decide to present, it’s going to be how I carry myself, for the most part. Hell, the more I think about it, I present every single time I walk out the door. People simply just don’t know what to make of the slightly long haired “dude” with the painted nails. Considering the general company I keep in public (ugh, public transportation) it’s probably “little sissy ass faggot.” That’s okay, though, “barely (if at all) educated ignorant smelly motherfucker” you can judge me all you want. The minute your opinion matters to me is the moment I’ve given up the fight.
But back to my main point. Society, mainly because most of it still operates on the naive and overly simplistic notion of the binary gender system, wants to lump femininity in with girly. It’s a load of bullshit. How many cis women do you know, personally, who aren’t the least bit “girly”? I even hesitate using “girly” as indicated by the constant quotation marks, because it’s stigmatizing. I am just lacking a better term for that overly stereotypical farce of feminine nature.
Maybe this will get better over time (a couple generations) as trans (and gender identity) are given more of a mainstream push. The more we know, after all. But for now, its just something that bugs me. I don’t need to embrace, what are quite frankly, stupid stereotypes in order to validate myself. I validate myself by my own proclamations and actions and thoughts and feelings. As does everyone else.