Man, I Feel Like a Woman (Or: The Oddities of Validation Via Crossdreaming)

I wake up in the night, all alone, and it’s alright.  The chemicals are wearing off since you’ve gone…

I’m really not proud of that title.  Just wanted to put that right out there.  But I also didn’t want to go with a very clinical sounding title aaaaaaaaaagain.  I’m trying to have some fun here, after all.

So, in a previous posting as I waxed philosophic about how crossdreaming has a very negative stigma associated with it (mainly due to toxic language that the very term “crossdream” is attempting to mend the damage from), I mentioned validation.  Which, as far as I can see from my perspective, is a wee bit important in the trans community as a  whole.  Which is a bit of a “duh” statement, validation is important to everyone, everywhere.  It’s probably more of a keyword issue here because it’s a lot harder to get validation.  I also kvetched here a bit about validation through extreme presentation, and how I’m struggling reconciling my feelings there.  Validation is pretty big.  But I’m going to focus on my thoughts about validation in regards to crossdreaming.  Which the damn title says I’m gonna do, right?

So, Captain Obvious flies in at this point to heroically point out that “well, yes, of course your crossdreaming is validation, Sandi!  Look at your fantasies, an over-exaggerated

I went with Deadpool because Deadpool rules.

I went with Deadpool because Deadpool rules.

caricature of a woman who would NEVER be mistaken for a man, and who men and women alike lust after, that’s a Master Class in validation!”  And I just nod, and try not to murder Captain Obvious.  But, the (good?) Cap’n is right, that’s a rather apparent to anybody with the least little bit of psychology knowledge.  But that’s not really what I want to to focus on.

No, I’m going to make a fairly bold statement that becomes less bold when I caveat it with “this is only pertaining to me, though it could pertain to others.”  Mainly, my crossdreaming, in and of itself, is validation.  Validation of my gender identity.  Now, I purposefully said gender identity as this leaves it open for others to co-opt if they wish, because crossdreamers are all over the gender spectrum.  But specifically, for myself, my crossdreaming serves as validation that I am woman.

The way I see it, the very fact that when I fantasize sexually I’m female is proof positive I’m female.  It’s one thing to refer to yourself in headspace as your female name, in feminine terms, etc.  But when I get turned on, my “sexual aura,” if you will, automatically radiates woman, well…that’s extremely validating to me.  In fact, it’s the line of thinking that led me to my realization in the first place.

This is another reason why, in my opinion, we need to create a social environment where crossdreamers can express themselves freely about it. Proper self-reflection is, unfortunately, not really a “self” action.  It requires an amount of exploration that, quite frankly, one shouldn’t have to do alone.  Jack Molay and his contemporaries are doing their best, but it can’t simply stop with them.  I’d try, but I’m only good at these rapid fire type thought processes.  I have neither the time or the patience to research this stuff out like they can.

Seriously, do we have to have a 50 Shades style pop culture phenomenon to spread awareness?


About the ghost

Not quite what you think you see, in some ways more, in some ways less.
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